


Three A.M.

by AllTheNamesIWantedWereUsed



Category: The Black Tapes Podcast
Genre: Amalia is amused, Amalia ships stragan, Anger, Angry Alex, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Gen, Humor, Sexual Frustration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 20:57:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10474275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTheNamesIWantedWereUsed/pseuds/AllTheNamesIWantedWereUsed
Summary: It’s three A.M. and Alex is passionately making a peanut butter sandwich while venting about the good doctor.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry for this shitpost

Richard Strand is, in Alex’s opinion, impeccably perfect in appearance. She can’t help but lament the fact that his personality and past is not so unblemished. It irritates her, though, that this complete  _ dick _ of a man looks so, well, attractive.

 

Amalia hears quite enough of such rants in the wee hours of the morning. Luckily for Alex, she finds it amusing.

 

It’s three A.M. and Alex is passionately making a peanut butter sandwich while venting about the good doctor.

 

“Fuck him and his fucking ‘cool blue eyes’ and ‘perpetual wry smile--’what the fuck was I thinking in saying that?” Alex rambles angrily, slamming a jar of peanut butter on the counter. She lowers her voice in a poor imitation of Richard Strand as she aggressively slaps peanut butter onto two pieces of bread. “I’m  _ Dr. _ Richard Strand, I have a million degrees in all sorts of things, along with a voice that sounds like velvet, and I’m fantastic at phone sex.”

 

Amalia smirks, leaning against the counter as Alex gives an exaggerated, long-suffering sigh, then continues in an aggravated tone, “Ms.  _ Reagan _ , you are un _ believably _ gullible and suffer  _ tremendously _ from a severe case of apophenia so I’m going stare at you hopelessly over my glasses while screaming internally-” 

 

_ Because he wants to bang you,  _ Amalia thinks as she watches Alex, trying not to laugh at her friend’s obvious sexual frustration. Funny how Alex hasn’t yet noticed that Strand is quite reciprocating that sexual frustration.

 

“Seriously, though, fuck Strand!” Alex rages in her normal voice, chomping down on her sandwich.

 

“I’m sure you’d love to, Alexandra,” Amalia says boredly, causing Alex to choke.

 

“Amalia!” she splutters. 

 

“You know you want to,” Amalia says, smiling devilishly at her friend. “I mean, you say ‘fuck him’ all the time.”

 

“Not meaning in that way,” she sputters.

 

“Mmhmm,” Amalia agrees sarcastically. 

 

Alex scowls at her, but quickly finds an escape route: grabbing her plate and walking to her room to stew about Strand and eat her sandwich in peace.

 

Amalia is determined to have the last word, though. She selects a special present she picked up for Alex in Russia, then scribbles a message on a Post-it note, then slips it under Alex’s door. She hears Alex’s footsteps, and an outraged shriek.

 

“ _ Amalia! _ You did  _ not  _ just give me  _ porn _ !”

 

“You can think about your Dr. Strand while you watch it!” Amalia calls, then runs to her room before Alex can retort, laughing the entire time.

**Author's Note:**

> Comment/kudos, please!


End file.
